The Trial of Your Faith (Pt. 5)

Rochester Prison 1990

Throughout the early part of 1990 I continued to ride an emotional roller-coaster, occasionally having an up day and then plunging headlong into another stomach-wrenching period of despair.

Often when I was alone in my cell, I would lie with my head against the wall, groaning from deep within.  It was more than a physical or emotional pain; it was a soul pain.  “Oh, God, where are You?” I cried.  Have I offended You so badly that You will not even speak to me anymore?”  I feared, I must have done something terrible that God would turn His back on me.  I thought God must be punishing me for every sin I ever committed.

Night after night, as I turned my face against the wall next to my bunk, I could not escapte the thought, My entire family is in some sort of turmoil because of me, and I am buried alive in prison unable to help. Oh, God, where are You?

Each night as I went to sleep, I turned on my battery operated radio and scanned the dial, searching for the gospel station from Georgia that had played Tammy during my first week in Rochester.  One night, when I was in a deep depression, I was sure I had found it.  A station was broadcasting gospel music, but I could not get a clear signal.  The sound kept fading in and out.  Finally, I fell asleep with my radio headphones still on.

I don’t know how long I slept, but suddenly I awakened.  Strangely, I didn’t know where I was.  I thought for a moment, Maybe I have died and gone to heaven!  A wonderful peace filled the prison cell.  That’s when I noticed the sound in my ears.  I was still wearing my radio headset.  I strained to hear the sound again.  The radio signal cleared of static, and I could hear plainly the voice of Tammy Faye singing:  Don’t give up on the brink of a miracle….

I could hardly believe my ears! Twice now, right at a time when I was feeling totally overwhelmed by my own circumstances and the problems others I loved were facing largely because of me, God sent this special message to me over the airwaves.  As before, it was not just any song; it wa a song written by Mike Adkins, a dear friend of Tammy’s and mine, who had appeared on our television programs many times.  Nor was it just any voice; it was Tammy Faye singing a message that reached directly into my heart.  Although my spiritual senses were numb and my emotional system was running on overload to the point that I walked around the prison compound most of the time looking like a scared rabbit, I could not escape the fact that God was showing me something.  But what?  What did it all mean?  Surely God must have some concern for me.  Otherwise, why would He set up such an unusual set of circumstances?  Yet if I had any value to God, why would He allow me to be publicly disgraced, humiliated, and dumped into this prison in the first place?

….more to come.

16 thoughts on “The Trial of Your Faith (Pt. 5)

  1. You are one of the rare ones Jim..hand-picked by God Himself..what you endured is unspeakable..and your extra large crown is waiting for you..but more than that ..what wonderful words you will hear when you see Jesus face to face~

  2. JIM,I STILL HAVE MY CARD THAT YOU SENT ME WHILE I WAS AN EMPLOYEE AT HERITAGE VILLAGE CHURCH.ON ONE SIDE IT SAYS… YOU’RE ON THE BRINK OF A MIRACLE AND THE OTHER SIDE SAYS DON’T GIVE UP!…ON THE INSIDE I WROTE…WINNERS NEVER QUIT,AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN.I WAS A PAINTER THERE FOR 7 YEARS WITH WILLIS WYLAND AND RAY FITTS..I BROKE MY FOOT AND WAS A SUMMER EMPLOYEE UNTIL AT THE UPPER ROOM,WHILE PRAYING FOR OTHERS,SOMEONE REQUESTED WE PRAY FOR OUR NEEDS.THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY LAST DAY,AS I WAS TO BE ONLY TEMP. HELP.BUT I FELT LIKE GOD’S WILL WAS WHAT I ASKED FOR ,NOT MINE…AS I RETURNED TO THE SHOP,MY SUPERVISOR SAID,”JOEL AS OF TODAY YOU ARE A FULL TIME PAINTER FOR HERITAGE,USA…I SAW GOD’S MANIFESTATION,AS WELL AS THE DEVIL’S AT THAT PLACE…..GOD SPARED THE ONES THAT HAD END TIME MISSIONS,THE REST IS IN HEAVEN,TO ASSIST US LATER ON….THE USA,AND PTL.. HAS A PURPOSE THAT HAS NOT BEEN FILLED YET….BOTH WERE DESTINED FOR END TIME PURPOSES….A SEED MUST DIE BEFORE A NEW PLANT COMES FORTH,,IT’S IN THE GROUND NOW…YOU ARE PART OF THIS NEW LIFE NOW…GOD IS ETERNAL,ONLY HUMANS NEED WATCHES….HE MOVES AND WE CAN’T TELL HE IS MOVING,LIKE THE HOUR HAND….ONLY BY LOOKING BACK DO WE SEE WHAT HE HAS DONE…..PRISON IS MORE A STATE OF MIND THAN BARS…IT’S MENTAL PRISONS THAT PEOPLE CAN’T SEEM TO FIND FREEDOM FROM..GUILT,DRUGS,ABUSE,ETC….GOD SETS YOUR SOUL FREE FIRST,,NO JAIL CAN KEEP YOUR SOUL LOCKED UP…ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT…THANKS JIM FOR JUST BEING A CHRISTIAN.AND LOVING PEOPLE…..

  3. I thank god for you today and being so open about what you experienced going to jail. Isn’t it funny how god uses pressure to purge what he needs to get out of your life as well as to put in you. When the fire comes to burn up everything and rid you life of pride, flesh, evil thoughts and behavoirs, you really see just what is in you/what your made of. It makes you question your walk with god and all youve learned up to that point. This is no walk in the park for no one when the hand of god is chastening you. The thing is are we yeilding to the point we are suspose to. It appears we are all at the point of the trial of our faith because we are in the last of the last of days. God really wants to know if we truly love him. I thank god for you, be blessed always, im glad you never gave up and that god has favored you again. I have always watched you from ptl days up to now. Love you and god shall complete that which was started

  4. Jim, I never knew of you when I was young and really never watched you PTL program, probally because I was’nt a Christian at that time. I accepted the Lord into my life in 1991, that was about 22 years ago. I came accross your show one night flipping the channels on directv, and now I watch your show every day recording it on my DVR. I believce you are a genuine man of God, as well as your wife Lori. You are right that there are not very many preachers these days talking and warning about the last days, you keep blowing the trumpt everyday !!

  5. Dear Jim:

    In all of that time when you were in such agony, God was with you and preparing you to prepare the way for others during the last days. It takes quite a MAN to accomplish all that you have especially at your age. As God used John the Baptist to make straight the way of the Lord – you too have been commissioned to help His children prepare for what lies ahead.

    If you had not gone to prison, the outcome might have been very different but God’s ways are awesome. He prepared a cell if you will, a place where you and Him could communicate and get to know one another better. Not saying that you didn’t already know Him but you gained strength and power to endure during those trials. You lost your freedom for awhile but gained a wealth of knowledge and a closeness to our Lord and Jesus Christ.

    I look forward to the day that my husband and I can come to Branson to see your show – A dream I’ve had for quite some time. I know that when the time is right and we can get away from our busy schedule – God will make a way. I’d just like to shake your hand as that would be enough for me.

    Until then Brother Jim – God be with you all of the way!

    Betty Harmon

  6. I thank my heavenly father daily for every memory of you and what you go through for the body. Indeed we all need to encourage and to be encouraged. I have a vision of God’s people uplifting, encouraging, strengthening and supporting each other in thoughts/words, from/to and about each other. Thank you for your example. The end of the book says WE WIN!

    Blessings,
    Val

  7. To Everyone:

    Your encouragement and love mean so much to me.

    I share my story to encourage others who are going through their own personal trials of faith. They need love and encouragement just like I did and do. Jesus brought me through all that and is still bringing me through and if I can make it, they can make it too!

    Let’s look for ways to encourage each other as the days of Revelation unfold.

    Love,

    Jim

  8. The Trial of Your Faith (Pt. 5)
    Dear Sir,
    Thank you for sharing your life with your readers like myself.
    Trying to feel what you went through Sir can be very difficult.
    I have a picture of a sunset on a beach on my living room wall with the words; Jesus said, I will always be with you.. Matthew 28:20.
    I believe this applied to yourself in that cell.
    Thanks to your ministry for helping many people out there.
    kind regards,
    Stephen.
    Staffordshire.
    UK.

  9. Dear Jim,
    I remember those days so well, being that Richard Dortch was my uncle and my his brother died during this time. Uncle Richard came and it was so very sad. He shared with us and I was so sad. he loved you so much and told us that you were a genious and could do anything.
    I had followed you show even before you knew him and I am a partner now.
    So happy to see Tammy sue back home and I can see her joy is growing makes me so happy for all of you. So wonderful that Lori is by your side and I dearly am so joyfull for your ministry is alive and well, Thanking Jesus !

  10. Jim, the punishment often times does not fit the crime. Well, I don’t see the crime here, especially from you & Tammy, but, it’s over now and you must “keep on keepin’ on” for Jesus Christ. I know you will! I was a PTL partner and visited there on several occassions. Never have I felt the peace I felt there. Oh, yes, I’m peaceful! But there was something about Heritage Village that could only have come from God’s blessing it. Don’t ever give up!! Wish I could watch your programs but we don’t get it in NE Ohio. I love you!

  11. I have been with you JIM sense 700 days loved ptl I was a partner I have the ptl parrell bible love it and treasure it also rember rice patty baby doll with her passport. Iam still with ya Jim so glad to see tammy sue again Ifeel like Iam home again love to all I remeber uncle henry

  12. There is just nothing that replaces God’s answers to us when we are in straits. It’s that personal relationship with God that you never want to stray from or ignore. I’m so glad He was with you in prison, and hope that you continue to draw ever nearer to Him, especially for what is coming in the next few years.

  13. Jim you did nothing wrong to go to prison. I’ve loved you since the 70’s. You are so very special. Hang on to the memories of you & Tammy. The devil put you both thru hell, but his reward is soon to be. Remember that Tammy is still praying for you, her precious Jim. I KNOW SHE IS! A her laughter & voice is ringing thru Heaven with Dottie ^ Vestal. I LOVE YOU!
    Linda in Dayton Ohio (previous Herritage lifetime member)

  14. Great Message Rev. Bakker! I remember those days and what all you went through. I and the church I was pastoring at the time prayed often for you during those days. I pioneered and pastored a CMI church, which Dr. Paul E. Paino founded (I’m sure you remembered him). I think he had you in his church in Ft. Wayne, IN (Calvary Temple) shortly after you were released from prison. I am glad to see things are going well for you. God bless!

  15. Still watching you!!!! We watched when you were PTL at Heritage USA and were watching you now at Morningside!!!! Don’t EVER give up!!!!!

Leave a Reply

To have your avatar appear when commenting, please signup for the Gravatar service. Your email address will not be published.

 characters available

To have your avatar appear when commenting, please signup for the Gravatar service.