“Jamie Charles Bakker was born December 18, 1975.” Jim was pretending to narrate a biography of his son.
The four of us— Jim and I, Jay and Amanda—were traveling from L.A. to Muskegon, Michigan, for the Bakker family reunion, and Jim was using the occasion to fill me in on some of the family history. Jim continued his story, but my mind stopped and focused on that date. December 18, 1975.
“Lori, you sure got quiet,” Jay said after a few minutes. “Are you carsick? Or just mesmerized by our life stories?” The others laughed.
“No, I…Sorry, Jay, I just had a major reality check when I heard your date of birth.” I swallowed hard. “You’re the same age my firstborn son would have been.” That realization had hit me like a ton of bricks. If I had carried my first pregnancy to term, the baby would have been born in late December ’75 or early January ’76.” I was looking at a flesh-and-blood son—soon to be my son, or at least my stepson—with his arm around his girlfriend, and he was the same age my firstborn would have been. “You guys could have been really good friends,” I said wistfully.
The moment passed awkwardly, Jay didn’t know what to say, and Jim simply looked sad. He reached over and took my hand. As much healing as I have had, the old, familiar grief can still reach out and squeeze my heart in a split second. IT doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is very real. Every time I looked at Jay for the next few hours, I thought of the son I never had because of my own choices. Gradually those thoughts faded.
Such thoughts, while painful, no longer overwhelmed me because of a deep inner healing I had experienced in 1994. That event remains the single most precious moment of truth in my life.
…..more to come.
Joy Came in the Morning – Part 2
Joy Came in the Morning – Part 3
Joy Came in the Morning – Part 4
Sister Lori,
There is no sin greater or lesser than others. That is why Jesus went to the cross He died for all of us..Thank you Jesus! The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want…remember those words Lori! We love you so much Lori! May God Bless and Keep you!
Ladies,
I can’t tell you how much each and every comment here touches my heart. I know that we are sisters in the Lord and we can all help each other.
God bless you all!
Love,
Lori
so very true every july I have a hard time remembering the babies i lost in in complete ABORTION. STILL HEAR THAT VACUMME SUCKING WILL NEVER FORGET IT BUT GETS A LITTLE EASIER KNOW YOU ARE SAVING BABIES GOING TO SEND A LITTLE MONEY TO YOU TO HELP WITH LORI”S HOUSE WOULD LOVE TO COME TO MORNING SIDE GOD BLESS
LORI:
Please remember that you will one day see and get to know your children,I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. We all make mistakes in our lives, and do things we wish we could change, some things we can change some we can not.Thank God we can and are forgiven, Sin is sin to our precious Lord,Your sin no bigger than mine or anyone else’s. You are a beautiful precious lady, and are loved by so many, Including my Husband and myself.God is going to bless you, Jim and family as never before even greater than PTL days, Be prepared for what he has for you. God Bless and keep you all in his loving care.
Lori, My first baby who was born and died on Feb. 11, 1975. I did not know yours and my son were so close in age. They may have met in heaven. We were going to name him Jason, but decided that he looked like a Matthew. Our daughter married a Jason and his brother, who claims to be one of our kids is named Matthew. Isn’t it amazing what God does for us! He never replaces, but He gives what we could’nt even imagine.
You are loved by everyone Lori. That means everything.
Thanks for sharing your heart Lori…..you are loved!