Sunglasses could not hide the tears streaming down my face, and I was glad the beach was not crowded that day. I walked toward the water, oblivious to the warm ocean breeze or the strident call of the seagulls. My shoulders slumped under the weight of the reality that now settled on me. Dear God, what have I done? My feet were leaden, my legs would no longer hold me. I sank to my knees in the hot sand, completely devastated. I murdered my children!
A man and a woman passed by me and discarded the remains of their picnic lunch into one of the large trash bins dotting the beach. It occurred to me that I had thrown my children away, almost as unthinkingly as they tossed their soda cans in the garbage. I had killed my babies to keep my husband. A husband I wound up losing anyway. A husband who had betrayed me and abused me, again and again.
The years of denial had finally come to an end. The lies I had believed had finally been exposed. I was supposed to have five children with me right now. God had intended for me to be a mother. He had given me children, and I had wantonly destroyed them. I had asked Jesus to forgive my sins, but had he really forgiven me of even this? Could I ever forgive myself?
Lori, I have not read your book BUT their is a reason for everything in our life time and you were to be the mother of those children since they did not have a mother in their life. GOD has a plan for us all if we open our hearts and minds and just listen to HIM he will tell us what he wants in our life time, so I am sure the LORD has a plan for you and your children as we are slowly being showed on TV!!
Living life to the fullest for JESUS and doing what he wants us to do in our life time that is what we need to do until he comes back you are LUCKY that you have the life with Christian people in your life and that your family goes to church and has Bible study time something I wish that my family did BUT I am the out cast and I do pray for them daily.
I pray for ministry and also like the fact that you accept everyone for whom they are no matter what and that is what draws me to watch your program daily and want more knowledge and understand too, so GOD Bless you and your family 😀
You know,Lori, I was 17 when the Supreme Court handed down its decision on Roe v Wade, and even as a young girl, I knew in my heart of hearts that there had been an entirely new force of evil unleashed upon this nation because of that ruling. My guts felt like they had been pulled out when I heard that this was now a law of our land. Those who pushed this case later admitted that the evidence they presented to the Justices were lies, and “Jane Roe” never knew why they used her as a plaintiff!! I agree that this issue has us in a chokehold, but I also think that God has allowed the abortion issue to bring girls and women into a saving grace relationship with Him! You keep on doing what you’re doing, and I’ll keep on trying too. Bless you.